A successful marriage requires trust. Unfortunately, previous negative experiences can create mistrust in solid relationships. If your spouse has experienced past hurt, feelings of uncertainty can be difficult to overcome—particularly if an emotional situation opens old wounds. Try not to take unearned distrust personally. An open heart and consistent willingness to understand will demonstrate you’re trustworthy. To build trust, ensure your words and actions match.
Imagine being married to someone who speaks an unfamiliar language and doesn’t understand yours. Excellent communication would require learning each other’s language. Similarly, our understanding of how to give and receive love grows as we see love communicated through certain words and actions. We may not recognize love communicated in unfamiliar ways. Learning your spouse’s love language can help you connect in ways you never dreamed possible.
When we share life with another imperfect human, sometimes we slide into habits of nitpicking, finding fault, or complaining. Ephesians 5:20 encourages us to give thanks for everything. While the verse isn’t about marriage, the principle applies. When minor irritations create contention, try appreciating every positive action your spouse takes—from clearing the table to capping the toothpaste. The results might surprise you.
Taking responsibility for our actions isn’t easy, particularly if we feel our motives have been misjudged or we’re not the only one in the wrong. But a willingness to ask forgiveness for our mistakes—or for outright bad behavior—can create an atmosphere of open communication in marriage. Admit shortcomings instead of making accusations. This strategy can foster peace and may encourage your spouse to reciprocate.
Too much screen time might be hurting your marriage. This week, take the Cherish Challenge: Give up funny cat videos to spend time talking with your spouse. Encourage your spouse as enthusiastically as you cheer for sports. And instead of allowing distractions, eliminate some screen time and spend intentional moments cherishing your spouse. You’ll improve your marriage, and that social media influencer—or your favorite team—won’t even notice you’re gone.
Remember that first date with your spouse? The excitement. The nerves. The planning. You’d love to experience the thrill again, but you’re both just. So. Tired. Simple gestures and a little creativity can help bring back that first date feeling. Hold hands in public. Build a pillow fort in the living room. Make popcorn and pull out a board game. Kiss until the kids complain. Have a backyard picnic.
Marriage requires physical and emotional safety to flourish. God intended marriage as a safe haven for our bodies and souls. Too often, we protect our own interests instead of guarding our spouse’s well-being. When we forget God’s plan for us to love others as we love ourselves, marriages falter. A healthy marriage mindset requires shifting from selfish to servant. Be the safest place for your spouse to run.
A car can’t run smoothly without routine service. A tiny oil leak may lead to a major motor malfunction. Marriages need upkeep, as well. Check in with your spouse regularly. Ask what you can do to improve the relationship. Just as a mechanic can keep your vehicle tuned, a therapist can help your marriage thrive. Before problems begin, ask a counselor for suggestions to keep your relationship running well.
Strong relationships require physical and emotional presence. Unfortunately, our current culture fosters distraction. Before household technology’s rise, family time included board games, conversation, and shared experiences. Today’s screen-based activities often discourage interaction and eye contact. Find ways to increase direct communication with your spouse. Breaking the screen habit can be difficult. Start small. Face each other during meals. Mute the TV and talk during commercials. Declare certain times tech-free.
In early marriage, each new experience brings uncertainty and excitement. Passion flames and sparks fly. As life settles into routine, the bright fire may fade to steady coals. Media and other influences create expectations that relationships without a “new and exciting” feeling are problematic. But these expectations aren’t biblical. True love is a choice. Commitment to stick it out—even when the carriage becomes a pumpkin—defines genuine romance.
John 15:13 says surrendering our own life for someone else’s is proof of the greatest love. It’s easy to say, “I’ll die for you,” knowing we won’t have to follow through. Willingness to “die to self” and to habitually sacrifice our own desires also shows great love in marriage. We can choose to set aside our preferences, surrender unrealistic expectations, and make our spouse’s preferences a daily priority.
The Bible says God is available to guide each step of our lives. This includes the direction of your marriage. Have you considered including God in the plan for your relationship? Talk with your spouse about personal hopes and goals for the future. Pray about ways you can serve God together. Set aside time each week—or plan your year during a weekend getaway focused on each other and God.
